Leadership Viewpoint

In hearing what my lovely nieces look for in their beaus, I couldn’t help but notice that none of them mentioned the attribute that is most important to me. As I reflected more on the topic, I came to realize that this attribute is paramount in more than simply ‘love’ relationships; it is critical in business relationships too. The more I reflected, I became convinced that it drives friendships and family relationships too.

Think about the people that you like to spend time with – people that you really enjoy. Across the myriad of individuals, my hunch is that they ones you really enjoy all have one thing in common. The odds are that they somehow make you feel good about yourself. In some of them, you may see aspects of yourself that you enjoy. Others may show a sincere interest in you, and thus make you feel better about yourself. In close, loving relationships, seeing yourself reflected in the other’s eyes may show you at your best, a best that you strive to fulfill, making you your best when you are with that person.

If this works with you, imagine how successful your relationships could be if you could consistently make others feel good about themselves. The same behaviors that make you feel good will make others feel good. Try looking at them with kindness, understanding and generosity. Show a real interest in their successes and achievements. Ask them about their interests, and speak little of yourself and your interests. Then enjoy the results, both personally and professionally!

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Athletes condition themselves for competition via hours of daily physical preparation. Successful business professionals do the same thing via reading, training and self evaluation. There are a number of ways to speed our progress. For most of us, the challenge is not that we are missing the information or knowledge. Rather, it is that our habits and behaviors are deeply ingrained and get in our way. That’s where neuro-associative conditioning can be a real help.

Research indicates that we can get ourselves to make changes faster and more effectively by connecting our nervous system with the behavior. Perhaps the simplest execution of this is one used by some extraordinarily successful college students. As they study a specific subject, economics, for example, they chew a specific flavor gum, say cinnamon. Then, when it is time to take the economics exam, they chew cinnamon flavor gum. This naturally brings the topic to mind and enhances their odds of success.

We can apply this same technique at work. For instance, if you want to improve your ability to conduct a good performance appraisal, you can chew a specific flavor whenever you read about it or take training on the topic. Then, when it’s time to write and conduct those appraisals, you simply chew the same gum to make that training and knowledge more quickly accessible to your mind. Short cuts like this can make it far easier to hard-wire successful techniques into your system and life. Just make sure you chew sugarless gum!

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Failing to listen well causes people significant problems, both personally and professionally. Why is it then that intelligent people who know that they should listen, don’t? Many of us have established communication habits over the years that emphasize getting our point across with little regard for the input of others. That’s the behavior that has been rewarded in school and in the low level jobs we work in our early years. Then we enter the corporate world where emphasis is placed on teamwork, communication and interpersonal skills, and we find ourselves poorly prepared for the ensuing challenges.

Our improvement opportunity with listening is not simply knowledge based. Rather, it is based on years of poor habits that have become our everyday behavior. When we work with groups, we don’t believe a person has really listened until he or she demonstrates listening to the speaker via multiple methods. It’s all about letting the speaker know that you heard him or her, and that you truly got the message. Spurred on by television and movies, too many of us have become increasing passive listeners. When we are interacting with live people, we use those same passive skills, and the speaker is left feeling unheard and unappreciated. Take the time to paraphrase what they said, clarify their message and summarize the conversation. Look him or her in the eye and show your interest with gestures and related questions. You’ll love the difference it will make in both your personal and professional life!

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Experts often discuss the need to keep a positive attitude. But what does that really mean? Are we all supposed to run around chanting positive things to ourselves and others all day long? Are we supposed to pretend that we aren’t hurt or angry when we feel pain? Should we smile and be cheerful no matter what is really happening?

If you aren’t accustomed to looking at everyday life with a “glass half-full” approach, the positive attitude thing can seem like a phony approach to life. People often ask me how they can honestly be happy and/or upbeat all the time. The answer for most of us is that we cannot.

What helps most people is keeping a sense of relativity. For instance, if you live in the United States, keep in mind that you are better off than about 90% of the world’s population in terms of standard of living. Even when the bills are piling up, or you are facing other pressures, keeping a sense of global perspective is a positive, healthy approach. The advantage that the positive approach tends to keep you calm, which allows you to focus and think clearly. That will take you a very long way toward solving your issue and moving forward, which will help you start a virtuous circle of success. With forward momentum, it becomes easier to have that positive attitude, and you can move into an upward spiral and more successes!

Our lives are better than we really think they are; it=s simply a question of focusing on the good things!

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Clients often discuss the need to work less and play more. Certainly there should be times when we feel as if we are working too much as business demands ebb and flow. This should not, however, be the case consistently. The good news is that this is a situation that we can change with a combination of focus and determination.

Along the way, somebody wise told me that we are what we do consistently. It’s a sentiment that I’ve come to accept and believe. I’ve also observed that we do the things we focus on. For instance, if I focus on home improvement, watching related television shows, reading about neat projects, taking courses on it, the odds are very high that I will undertake some related projects.

Similarly, I find that people whose life is out of balance focus extensively on one area of life, such as business. If the vast majority of our reading and television viewing is related to business issues, then let’s not be surprised that we are becoming obsessed. Loved ones are typically the ones who see it happening, and they may feel helpless to take action, sometimes describing it as feeling guilty that they are pulling us away from our work. Others feel resentful that we prefer work to spending time with them.

If this sounds all too familiar, there is a lot you can do about it. First, make the decision to change. There is immense power in that moment of decision. Next, evaluate the areas of your life and set some SMART goals. You can find a detailed piece on this here:

www.adv-leadership-grp.com/Goal_Setting_Article.html

Finally, behave in a more balanced way consistently, and you too will become what you do – all for the better!

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Perseverance is the fundamental behavioral trait of every successful entrepreneur that we work coach. Even those with strong starts face challenging times at some point in their business, and it is their ability to consistently persevere that has made them successful in the long term. Since we all know that success leaves clues, we have asked these successes what they tell themselves so that they keep on keeping on. Here’s what we’ve heard:

- I just keep my eye on the long term and have faith that this too will pass.

- I remember my father’s struggles and realize that if he could pull through the poverty he faced, that I can certainly beat this.

- Honestly, I just never even considered failure an option. It was never on the table.

Get into this mindset, and stay in it, and success will be your only viable option.

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As we approach the first of the year, people are starting to think about those New Year’s resolutions. You may vaguely recall last year’s; it’s the thing you forgot about in just a couple weeks. Here’s what it takes to turn those resolutions into realities:

1. Write down the goal. For instance, “I will lose weight.”

2. Now critically assess what you’ve written, asking these questions:

a. Is it specific?
b. Is it measurable?
c. Is it achievable?
d. Is it realistic?
e. Is there a target date?

Against these criteria, the goal above does not stand up. It will work harder written as follows:

I will lose 10 pounds by March 1, 2007.

3. We can still improve this further. Research indicates that most of us are more successful if we are moving toward something positive rather than away from something negative. We also prefer immediate gratification to deferred satisfaction. And we always like it all to be about us, personally. Hence, we want to ensure that we write our goals using the three “P’s”:

Positive structure and tone
Personal
Present tense

Based on this, our statement becomes:

On March 1, 2007, my light, fit body weighs a svelte X pounds and I feel wonderful!

4. Of course, we can say this 100 times a day, but if we are simultaneously eating junk food and watching TV, we still won’t achieve our goal. The next step then, is to put together a detailed action plan that might include menus, restaurant guides, exercise schedules, etc. Then we have to actually execute the plan!

5. Finally, we have to plan to deal with the obstacles that will, of course, arise. I recommend that you identify every imaginable obstacle, and plan at least three good solutions for it. For instance, if you know that you will be visiting a relative that always tries to pump you with rich foods; you will need to plan accordingly. Your three potential solutions might include:

- Warn the person ahead of time and make a specific request for something healthy, so they can still dote on you.

- Plan your day’s (or week’s!) calories around a larger meal at this person’s home.

- Defer on this visit until your weight is stabilized at a level that satisfies you.

Wishing you a bright and successful 2007!

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Planning ahead is an absolute necessity when managing multiple projects and people. Leaders who plan poorly cause a massive ripple effect as their last minute issues creep into the lives of those around them. Ultimately relationships, projects and even entire businesses fail as a result. So what does it take to plan ahead?

First, make time for planning. For me, the first thing I do each business day is determine what I want to accomplish that day and I write it down. Writing it is critically important. It’s my reminder when people are barraging me with a million other issues, and it allows me that sense of accomplishment when I can check it off the list.

While the daily effort helps to get us out of our disorganization, it is insufficient to really keeping us focused. To do this, we must occasionally (for me – monthly) reflect on our long term projects, goals and objectives and determine:

1. Where we are today

2. Where we want to end up by ‘x’ date

3. How to get from here (1) to there (2)

Once we do that, we must incorporate the activities of point three into our daily to do list, and we must execute those tasks systematically. Once we’re doing this consistently, we’re ahead of 90% of businesspeople.

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Listening is an area that we each need to focus on – and no matter how good we think we are we can always improve. I find that for me the trick is my focus. When I am focused on the speaker, I can actively listen, paraphrasing, clarifying, questioning and really staying on their topic, rather than tossing in my own stories and issues.

Our challenge is in staying focused and giving the other person the time, especially when we are notoriously busy and multi-tasking. The power, I believe, is in the moment of decision – when I decide that:

1. I care about you.

2. I want you to feel cared about and respected.

3. I need to learn what you are thinking about and why.

That is when I am willing to stop whatever I am doing at that moment and focus on you. There are rarely things that cannot wait five minutes for you to tell me something that is urgent. When my back is really up against it, I must warn you that I really cannot focus on you now, and it is then incumbent on me to set a time for us to regroup when I will be able to focus on you.

Remember, listening is far more than being quiet and waiting for the other person to stop speaking so that you can have your turn!

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A dear friend called yesterday to discuss her impending layoff. Caught in a sell-off situation, the facility where she works will be closing. It’s business, not personal, and intellectually she knows that. She will leave with over a year of income and benefits, so this could be a very good thing! Why then, was her emotional reaction one of terrible hurt?

Here’s how it was presented:

1. Many months ago, the employees were told of the plan to sell this part of the business.

2. In the meantime, the employees were told that nobody knew for sure what would happen to them. They were to keep working hard, since the new owner may want to keep them. They even met with the new owners repeatedly and oriented them to the details of the operation.

3. On Monday, December 18th, two days before the sale was to be legally final, the employees were taken offsite for an “announcement”. They were told about the meeting on the preceding Friday so they were tense and fearful by the time Monday came around.

4. It was a week before Christmas and the announcement was handled coldly. The representatives of the company that was selling the business treated the employees as if they were the new company’s problem. The new company representatives, who have no real connection to the employees, treated them humanely, but kept their distance. Nobody warmly thanked or recognized the employees for keeping everything running smoothly during the transition and for making the process work. My friend said that she had never felt so unappreciated.

As leaders, it is incumbent on us to plan these changes brilliantly. We have no responsibility if not to take care of our people – all of our people. Without them we are nothing. Instead, we too often entrust such important issues to HR people. By and large, they mean well, but they despise conflict situations. They want everybody to get along, so they are at their absolute worst in these tense, difficult situations.

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