Leadership Viewpoint

In hearing what my lovely nieces look for in their beaus, I couldn’t help but notice that none of them mentioned the attribute that is most important to me. As I reflected more on the topic, I came to realize that this attribute is paramount in more than simply ‘love’ relationships; it is critical in business relationships too. The more I reflected, I became convinced that it drives friendships and family relationships too.

Think about the people that you like to spend time with – people that you really enjoy. Across the myriad of individuals, my hunch is that they ones you really enjoy all have one thing in common. The odds are that they somehow make you feel good about yourself. In some of them, you may see aspects of yourself that you enjoy. Others may show a sincere interest in you, and thus make you feel better about yourself. In close, loving relationships, seeing yourself reflected in the other’s eyes may show you at your best, a best that you strive to fulfill, making you your best when you are with that person.

If this works with you, imagine how successful your relationships could be if you could consistently make others feel good about themselves. The same behaviors that make you feel good will make others feel good. Try looking at them with kindness, understanding and generosity. Show a real interest in their successes and achievements. Ask them about their interests, and speak little of yourself and your interests. Then enjoy the results, both personally and professionally!

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Athletes condition themselves for competition via hours of daily physical preparation. Successful business professionals do the same thing via reading, training and self evaluation. There are a number of ways to speed our progress. For most of us, the challenge is not that we are missing the information or knowledge. Rather, it is that our habits and behaviors are deeply ingrained and get in our way. That’s where neuro-associative conditioning can be a real help.

Research indicates that we can get ourselves to make changes faster and more effectively by connecting our nervous system with the behavior. Perhaps the simplest execution of this is one used by some extraordinarily successful college students. As they study a specific subject, economics, for example, they chew a specific flavor gum, say cinnamon. Then, when it is time to take the economics exam, they chew cinnamon flavor gum. This naturally brings the topic to mind and enhances their odds of success.

We can apply this same technique at work. For instance, if you want to improve your ability to conduct a good performance appraisal, you can chew a specific flavor whenever you read about it or take training on the topic. Then, when it’s time to write and conduct those appraisals, you simply chew the same gum to make that training and knowledge more quickly accessible to your mind. Short cuts like this can make it far easier to hard-wire successful techniques into your system and life. Just make sure you chew sugarless gum!

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