Leadership Viewpoint

This month, I’ve had the opportunity to support a client organization in the successful reception of feedback. It’s been an interesting experience, in that both training participants and their leaders have universally rejected feedback from each other and their clients, almost consistently. Working with them to lower their defenses has caused me to reflect upon the feedback that I both give and receive.

Feedback comes to me in many forms, some verbal, some written, and some behavioral. Sometimes I receive it gracefully, othertimes, not so much… As I’ve reflected, it occurred to me that my successful reception seems to be less dependent on how the feedback is given, and is instead based on my own frame of mind. That realization leaves me thinking about what I can do to ensure that I keep my mind open to feedback more often than not. It seems to me that I must ask myself better questions, consistently. These might include:

* What can I learn from this?
* How can I let this person know I appreciate his or her courage in sharing this with me?
* What do I want to do differently as a result of this?

Giving feedback well is very much an art form. The people who do it best wait until somebody asks for it and then they set up an ideal time and place. As consultants, coaches and trainers, we are often placed in the role of providing feedback to participants who may or may not want to hear from us. Further, we typically have to provide this feedback in a compressed, and unnatural timeframe. That anybody hears anything we offer is nothing short of miraculous!

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Okay, so enough already. We hear from managers all the time about how they “multi-task” to be more effective. It may be time to really review this myth.

Multi-tasking came from the home, where multiple projects can happen simultaneously. A good example might be that the laundry is being done, while dinner is being prepared, while watching TV. In this example, none of the activities actually require a typical person’s full brain power or attention. In fact, if you were preparing a complex, gourmet dinner, it is no longer prudent to multi-task.

Unfortunately, too many people are taking this concept and applying it incorrectly in the workplace. Multi-tasking has become an excuse for not focusing on important projects, incomplete work, and failing to listen to one another. The results, I fear, will become catastrophic if we don’t apply some common sense. Does this sound like you?

• • You place a call to somebody and then read/answer email during the call. Later, you don’t remember some information from that phone call and have to ‘double-check’ it with the other person.

• • You check your email or text messages during a meeting.

• • You take cell phone calls in the midst of discussing something.

There are a million more examples; we all know them. Compare these to the household example above. There are two critical distinctions:

• 1. In these examples, other people are being directly impacted, rather rudely, by the multi-tasking behavior.

• 2. Communication, a critical business function, is not receiving the appropriate focus that it demands for full effectiveness.

This week, after forwarding the exact same mission-critical email to a colleague three times, I am at a loss for her lack of focus. We cannot be so busy that our lack of attention infringes on other people’s workloads, and expect our careers and businesses to flourish. Business simply doesn’t work that way.

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We’ve all been guilty of wanting to prove our point so much that we miss opportunities for effectiveness. This week, we watched the U.S. Senate pull an ‘all-nighter’ to supposedly end the war in Iraq. The Press kept telling us before, during and after the event that it was largely a media event; it was doomed before it began. Ironically, after the escapade ended, one Republican senator commented that there were definitely more Republican votes that could have been swayed, but they were so offended by the media antics that they stood their ground with their Republican colleagues rather than break ranks in such a public forum. Clearly this is a critically important issue for the U.S. and many other countries. We hate to see anybody dally with it for their own personal gain.

Finding a reasonable way for the U.S. to exit from Iraq is far more important than most of the issues that we face at work. Even with less important issues, however, people often get so engrossed in proving their point that they may not see the forest through the trees. We need to consistently look for ways to achieve our goals, and the path is often with others rather than proving ourselves right at their expense. The old saying, “Hold your friends close and your enemies closer,” is fundamental to selling your proposals. If there’s a colleague that is likely to oppose your proposal, you can often save yourself time and pain by drawing them in and addressing their concerns, and giving them credit, upfront. They often have good reasons for their objections, and our proposal is truly stronger when we find ways to effectively address those reasons.

Perhaps the worst thing about proving ourselves right is that it too often means that we must simultaneously prove somebody else wrong. Remember how bad it feels to be that ‘wrong’ person. You lose face, and may even want to find an opportunity for retaliation. In the long haul, this is not a path to business success. Working with your potential opponents turns them into helpful colleagues, reduces tension and builds the effectiveness of your proposals. It may be more work, and you bypass the ‘joy’ of rubbing somebody else’s nose in it, but the long-term results are simply phenomenal.

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“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” A colleague reminded me of the critical importance of selecting and using an engaging name for one of our community service activities. So often, we are caught up in the development of substance that issues of style evade our consciousness. It is almost always a mistake. Getting BOTH the substance and the style right is almost always the ante for big success.

What if you could add kindness to your repertoire? Would that enhance your effectiveness? What about humor? Might that support your communication? Many of us work very hard on ’substance’ thinking that this is sufficient to establish our credibility. We couldn’t be more wrong. Content merely puts us in the game. Whenever other people are involved, coupling that substance with appropriate style makes all the difference in our effectiveness.

Recall conversations where tone made the difference in interpretation, or when someone’s facial expression alerted you to their concerns - matters of style matter. So what is your style when communicating? Are you inviting others in, or pushing them away? Are you engaging them to open up and share, or shutting down discussion? Recall more than what was said; recall too the tone, the faces, the body language, the nervous ‘tells’, the colors and even the smells. They all add up the totality of the message, and that’s the real deal.

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Watching the news has become a rather “seedy” experience these days. We hear about important issues, like terror plots and wars. Much of the news, however, focuses on people that have succumbed to some sort of temptation. Whether it is the celebrity du jour or the latest political scandal, it is diversionary and wastes our time. Even the coverage of presidential debates is typically on trite “gotchas” rather than laying out candidate positions on important issues.

Despite the proliferation of news channels and programs, it is more difficult than ever to stay well informed. Reporters rarely ‘report’ anymore without an ‘angle’ that serves as a hook for the intellectually lazy. This makes a lot of people a lot of money, but has, unfortunately lowered the level of discourse throughout our society. So many people, thinking they are informed, try to discuss issues of the day. It is often embarrassing to engage people on these issues, as they are often well informed of one side of the issue, and know nothing of the competing arguments.

When a friend asked me how I managed to learn the facts I used during a political discussion, I mentioned a variety of sources. Honestly, she looked shocked! Reading, CSPAN, research and genuine intellectual curiosity have gone the way of Model T. It’s easy to assume that the nonsense presented by our favorite newscaster is the whole truth; easy, but wrong. I encourage people to remember that leaders are readers. This applies to more than the latest book on leadership. It’s also important to be well informed about the issues of the day. Read a variety of sources and opinions and decide for yourself.

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As I work with young professionals, it has become increasingly clear that there is far too little trust in the workplace. We can speculate on the structural reasons for this mistrust:

• Job hopping

• Self interest put above the greater good

• Quick wins valued over long term success

All the speculation in the world, however, doesn’t help the young manager who desperately needs guidance and leadership, but knows not where to turn. Somehow leaders need to rise above the political nonsense and become beacons that our people can count on. The foundation of trust is simple to understand, yet difficult to exemplify. Trust has two foundational pieces, character and competence. Without both, our people will not trust us. The naive may think that character is more important than competence. I suggest that either without the other is a recipe for mistrust and long-term disaster.

So how then does one demonstrate character? In these days of corporate politics run a muck, it is not easy to stay above the fray. My suggestions may seem simple, but they are effective.

• 1. Avoid gossip. You are better off not knowing, and certainly not spreading it.

• 2. Don’t lie. Keep on the positive side of the truth. This means that you may occasionally not share the whole truth, because it may not be constructive.

• 3. Be constructive. It’s easy to rip ideas apart; far more challenging to constructively critique and build upon them.

• 4. When it comes to your people’s work, you must take all the responsibility for any problems and give away all the credit for successes. I know, you’re outraged with me on this one. I’m suggesting that you put your career on the line to protect your people and then give them the credit for work that you directed them to do in the first place. That’s right, and the long-term effect of this is profound.

• a. Your people will owe you big time.

• b. You will gain a reputation as a manager that people want to report to.

• c. You will start and perpetuate a virtuous circle of trust within your team.

• d. Management will eventually figure it out and see that you are indeed a real leader and developer of people.

• e. You will have self-respect and confidence.

I have often been quoted as saying that, “Competence is simply the ante to play the game of business.” Unfortunately, it is no longer something that can be taken for granted. We run across professionals who are largely incompetent for the job at hand far too often. At best, it leads to a staff that figures the manager means well, but is so incompetent that he or she cannot be trusted with even simple management tasks. Call them the the ‘empty suits’ or whatever you choose. Competence is absolutely necessary to create an atmosphere of trust among colleagues. If you feel that you are pretending to be competent and feel that you are in over your head, by all means get help! If you feel it, there’s a good chance that others see it, and you will create an environment of distrust and probably high turnover all around you. The best intentions in incompetent hands are a recipe for failure. You and your people deserve better.

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While communication is always more art than science, it’s far easier to be effective when you have time to prepare your thoughts. In today’s fast paced, high pressure society, prep time is a luxury that often evades us. It’s these circumstances that derail many of us. While nobody gets it right all the time, there are some general approaches that help to increase our odds of success.

• Be sure to practice positive techniques whenever the pressure is off to develop strong reflexive skills.

• When someone ‘attacks’ or ‘embarrasses’ you, take a deep breath before responding. The old ‘count to ten’ technique truly works since it sends badly needed oxygen to the brain.

• Manage your emotions. That oxygen will come in handy here too!

• Focus on the issue at hand, not on any perceived personal attack. The only thing we can guarantee is that people will say stupid things. How we react to them will largely determine what people think of us. Ironically, when we become defensive, people often assume that we are insecure, probably with good reason! Instead, relax and refocus the discussion on the real issue.

If communication is an area of challenge for you, it may be smart to seek support. For more information and ideas, check out the link below.

Communication Skills: Master communications skills with easy tips. See yourself soaring to new levels of success. Learn more on communication, presentation skills, leadership and training.

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Excellent communicators understand the subtleties of communication, and this is fundamental to their prowess. Let’s think about the communication of the simple request with respect a letter, “Please be sure this goes out today.” Surely this is straightforward enough. Yet as stated, a myriad of problems may ensue.

First, let’s consider the tone. If stated without much inflection, it is a non-prioritized request that may get lost in the shuffle. If emphasis is given to the word “please”, then it may be taken as either sarcastic or as begging. If emphasis is placed on “today”, it may come off as impatient and annoyed. If emphasis is put on the word “sure”, it may be interpreted as not trusting and even derogatory. Each of these has undesirable side effects.

Second, the structure of this simple request leaves much to be desired. It doesn’t specify the means of transmittal, assuming that the receiver knows what is expected, and leaving much room for interpretation (and error). No information regarding the deadline for receipt of the letter is specified, which may ultimately be the source of a major error.

We routinely make simple comments like this all day long, and we’re lucky that most of them are received well and we are successful. There are simple changes, however, that can avoid the occasional blunders that ensue from incomplete communications, which is how I would characterize the example above. Consider the following example:

Janice, do you have a minute? (makes the recipient of the message stop their current activity and focus on what you are about to request)

Carol needs to have this letter, with the original signature on it, in her hands by noon tomorrow so she can proceed to commit funds for our project. Can you make sure that happens? (specific requests, with understanding of ‘why’ motivate people to do their part)

Sure Mary, I’ll send it out overnight with tracking. (you know that communication has occurred once the feedback has been received - until then, you only know that a message has been sent)

Thanks Janice! I appreciate your handling it personally. It’s pretty important, and I want to ensure it happens on time. (clarifies expectations and nicely assigns personal responsibility)

This is simple stuff, and we are routinely doing it all day long. It’s easy to skip steps, in the interest of efficiency, and when things go okay, we get in the habit of skipping those steps. With a well-oiled team, we forget that we are even skipping steps. Then, when there’s a personnel change, and things go wrong, we blame the new person instead of our short-cut communication.

Be careful to carefully balance the trade-off between time saving efficient communication and the power of effective, complete communication. The latter pays huge dividends, and takes little time to do well.

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Communication is the second key step to getting ourselves into action. Planning got us started, and once that’s ongoing, all the key people in our lives need to know the plan and their part in it. Project team communication is obvious. It is also critical, however, to communicate with management, peers, subordinates, and of course, our family and friends. This allows everyone to voice their questions, concerns, support issues, etc. with us, so that we can adjust our plans if needed.

So then, what and how should we communicate? If you’ve ever had a colleague that charges into your office or phones you every time he or she has an idea or issue, you might guess that this is not the recommended approach. It’s far more effective if you get your communications organized by person. In fact, for key people, keeping an ongoing collaboration issue list is very helpful, and its employment communicates a respect for their time that will serve you both well. We recommend prioritizing your list before visiting with key individuals, and discussing the most important ones first. That way, if you run short on time, the most critical items will be communicated.

Communication styles vary widely, so it is essential to tailor your approach for each person. Consider the other person’s pressures as well as your own issues. For instance, if the person is fast paced and business focused, don’t ask about their weekend! Get right to business. On the other hand, if he or she has a relaxed, slow paced style, match that too. Remember that people like people who are like themselves. Make them comfortable by patterning your communication after their style, and your communication will be far more effective.

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Have you ever struggled with the right balance of humor and fun in the workplace? Clearly we want our people to be happy and enjoy their workday, so some humor is appropriate. In fact, there’s plenty of research indicating that laughter is good for our health, our energy, our mindset, personal productivity and maintaining a positive approach to challenges. It’s also a fundamental ingredient to creativity, which is highly valuable to all successful businesses in our knowledge based workplace.

Conversely, we don’t want the atmosphere at work to become sophomoric or offensive to anyone. The only thing we can be reasonably sure of is that some people will get it wrong on occasion. So what are the guidelines to getting it right? Appropriate humor in the workplace helps to bond people together, rather than separating individuals or groups. This is bad news for Don Rickles’ genre humor, which picks on individual idiosyncrasies. Further, it’s bad news for blond jokes, or anything that victimizes a specific group or type of people. A better approach is to learn to laugh at ourselves and the everyday things that happen. Once our people see their leader relax and laugh, they feel comfortable following suit.

Many organizations, ours included, struggle with email jokes, which have truly become pervasive. In addition to the time wasted, concerns about legal liabilities in the case of an action become worrisome. Speak with both your attorney and your HR team to strike the right balance in your company communications regarding email. The goal is to be legally covered without becoming a sterile workplace. It can be a challenging balance to strike.

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