Feedback comes to me in many forms, some verbal, some written, and some behavioral. Sometimes I receive it gracefully, othertimes, not so much… As I’ve reflected, it occurred to me that my successful reception seems to be less dependent on how the feedback is given, and is instead based on my own frame of mind. That realization leaves me thinking about what I can do to ensure that I keep my mind open to feedback more often than not. It seems to me that I must ask myself better questions, consistently. These might include:

* What can I learn from this?
* How can I let this person know I appreciate his or her courage in sharing this with me?
* What do I want to do differently as a result of this?

Giving feedback well is very much an art form. The people who do it best wait until somebody asks for it and then they set up an ideal time and place. As consultants, coaches and trainers, we are often placed in the role of providing feedback to participants who may or may not want to hear from us. Further, we typically have to provide this feedback in a compressed, and unnatural timeframe. That anybody hears anything we offer is nothing short of miraculous!

Multi-tasking came from the home, where multiple projects can happen simultaneously. A good example might be that the laundry is being done, while dinner is being prepared, while watching TV. In this example, none of the activities actually require a typical person’s full brain power or attention. In fact, if you were preparing a complex, gourmet dinner, it is no longer prudent to multi-task.

Unfortunately, too many people are taking this concept and applying it incorrectly in the workplace. Multi-tasking has become an excuse for not focusing on important projects, incomplete work, and failing to listen to one another. The results, I fear, will become catastrophic if we don’t apply some common sense. Does this sound like you?

• • You place a call to somebody and then read/answer email during the call. Later, you don’t remember some information from that phone call and have to ‘double-check’ it with the other person.

• • You check your email or text messages during a meeting.

• • You take cell phone calls in the midst of discussing something.

There are a million more examples; we all know them. Compare these to the household example above. There are two critical distinctions:

• 1. In these examples, other people are being directly impacted, rather rudely, by the multi-tasking behavior.

• 2. Communication, a critical business function, is not receiving the appropriate focus that it demands for full effectiveness.

This week, after forwarding the exact same mission-critical email to a colleague three times, I am at a loss for her lack of focus. We cannot be so busy that our lack of attention infringes on other people’s workloads, and expect our careers and businesses to flourish. Business simply doesn’t work that way.

Perhaps the worst thing about proving ourselves right is that it too often means that we must simultaneously prove somebody else wrong. Remember how bad it feels to be that ‘wrong’ person. You lose face, and may even want to find an opportunity for retaliation. In the long haul, this is not a path to business success. Working with your potential opponents turns them into helpful colleagues, reduces tension and builds the effectiveness of your proposals. It may be more work, and you bypass the ‘joy’ of rubbing somebody else’s nose in it, but the long-term results are simply phenomenal.

For a small business site, this one has good ranking and readership. Much of it came years ago, when we first posted articles online and scores of other sites linked to them. Maybe we are just lucky. Or maybe, just maybe, the main point of the web is to provide real value to your consumers. Consider the possibility that putting substantial content online will help your site more than all the strategies one can imagine. Develop original, meaningful content, and they will come…

We often encounter a similar, ‘manipulative’ approach to business too. I recently heard a young professional say, “Can’t you just make money off this?” to me as I was suggesting some ways to improve a program for a client. Sure, it’s easy to just make money off your clients, at least in the short term. Real, lasting business relationships, and your own self-esteem, come from doing the right thing for your clientèle, stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone in their best interests. Anybody can do the easy thing for their customers. Long-term partnerships come to those who do the extra something and ensure that their customer’s needs are fully met. Substance is truly the ante to play the game.

Recall conversations where tone made the difference in interpretation, or when someone’s facial expression alerted you to their concerns - matters of style matter. So what is your style when communicating? Are you inviting others in, or pushing them away? Are you engaging them to open up and share, or shutting down discussion? Recall more than what was said; recall too the tone, the faces, the body language, the nervous ‘tells’, the colors and even the smells. They all add up the totality of the message, and that’s the real deal.

Finding your own inspiration can be quite a challenge. For many people, a walk down the memory lane of their childhood is required, allowing them to recall what they truly love. Too often, our work drums energy from us rather than repleting it. Our expert in this field, Gailann Bruen, finds that many people have suppressed their inner flame for so long that they have to actually do a bit of research to find it before they can reignite it! She works with them to identify that flame and find lucrative ways to make a living with it well in view. Working with her is fun, especially after somebody has had a breakthrough. She charges in, announcing the news, and a celebration invariably ensues. Her own inspiration is clear to all. No wonder she persists and is happy in her work. Are you?

Appropriate networking involves real relationship building, and a genuine providing of value. Of the various books on the subject, my favorite is a simple read by Bob Burg, Endless Referrals. In it, he expounds on the simple concept that people do business with those that they “know, like and trust”. Bob takes you through constructive ways to build those connections so that people really can come to trust you and do business with you. He even includes a series of questions that are trust-building, making the process easy, even for a shy person. Read it for lots of usable tips.

Perhaps the most important key to successful networking is to enter relationships prepared to ‘give’ of yourself. Too many people arrive looking for what they can ‘get’ from their mark. Arrive instead with ideas, services, etc. that you can give away without any quid pro quo. In fact, the payback is likely to come down the road, often from unexpected sources.

The computerized networking sites, like LinkedIn and Xing, may change the face of networking among certain circles in the long-term. While they are a good way of identifying people that your friends and colleagues know, it is unclear as to their usefulness in making real business connections long-term.

Despite the proliferation of news channels and programs, it is more difficult than ever to stay well informed. Reporters rarely ‘report’ anymore without an ‘angle’ that serves as a hook for the intellectually lazy. This makes a lot of people a lot of money, but has, unfortunately lowered the level of discourse throughout our society. So many people, thinking they are informed, try to discuss issues of the day. It is often embarrassing to engage people on these issues, as they are often well informed of one side of the issue, and know nothing of the competing arguments.

When a friend asked me how I managed to learn the facts I used during a political discussion, I mentioned a variety of sources. Honestly, she looked shocked! Reading, CSPAN, research and genuine intellectual curiosity have gone the way of Model T. It’s easy to assume that the nonsense presented by our favorite newscaster is the whole truth; easy, but wrong. I encourage people to remember that leaders are readers. This applies to more than the latest book on leadership. It’s also important to be well informed about the issues of the day. Read a variety of sources and opinions and decide for yourself.

Women are rarely placed in ’stretch’ jobs because management wants to protect them from failure and women are still leaving the corporate world for one of two primary reasons:
1. We aren’t moving up.
2. We want or need more balance in life due to our extensive family responsibilities.

These premature corporate departures are leaving too few women inside corporate America as role models.

That said, excellent communication and supportive skills are increasingly important in business due in part to globalization. This bodes well for women. The corporate world will need to make room for greater freedom and creativity if it hopes to keep the best and brightest women for the long-term. Women will need to build bridges between where we are today and where we want to be tomorrow if the corporate landscape is to change.

Many women have difficulty asking for help and delegating. We need to overcome the “princess syndrome” and ‘demand’ what we want. Many women feel apologetic for taking time out of work for golf and other networking activities. Women feel that their time is better spent at their desk rather than out with business contacts. They couldn’t be more wrong.

• Job hopping

• Self interest put above the greater good

• Quick wins valued over long term success

All the speculation in the world, however, doesn’t help the young manager who desperately needs guidance and leadership, but knows not where to turn. Somehow leaders need to rise above the political nonsense and become beacons that our people can count on. The foundation of trust is simple to understand, yet difficult to exemplify. Trust has two foundational pieces, character and competence. Without both, our people will not trust us. The naive may think that character is more important than competence. I suggest that either without the other is a recipe for mistrust and long-term disaster.

So how then does one demonstrate character? In these days of corporate politics run a muck, it is not easy to stay above the fray. My suggestions may seem simple, but they are effective.

• 1. Avoid gossip. You are better off not knowing, and certainly not spreading it.

• 2. Don’t lie. Keep on the positive side of the truth. This means that you may occasionally not share the whole truth, because it may not be constructive.

• 3. Be constructive. It’s easy to rip ideas apart; far more challenging to constructively critique and build upon them.

• 4. When it comes to your people’s work, you must take all the responsibility for any problems and give away all the credit for successes. I know, you’re outraged with me on this one. I’m suggesting that you put your career on the line to protect your people and then give them the credit for work that you directed them to do in the first place. That’s right, and the long-term effect of this is profound.

• a. Your people will owe you big time.

• b. You will gain a reputation as a manager that people want to report to.

• c. You will start and perpetuate a virtuous circle of trust within your team.

• d. Management will eventually figure it out and see that you are indeed a real leader and developer of people.

• e. You will have self-respect and confidence.

I have often been quoted as saying that, “Competence is simply the ante to play the game of business.” Unfortunately, it is no longer something that can be taken for granted. We run across professionals who are largely incompetent for the job at hand far too often. At best, it leads to a staff that figures the manager means well, but is so incompetent that he or she cannot be trusted with even simple management tasks. Call them the the ‘empty suits’ or whatever you choose. Competence is absolutely necessary to create an atmosphere of trust among colleagues. If you feel that you are pretending to be competent and feel that you are in over your head, by all means get help! If you feel it, there’s a good chance that others see it, and you will create an environment of distrust and probably high turnover all around you. The best intentions in incompetent hands are a recipe for failure. You and your people deserve better.